Friday, October 6
Wrestling with forgiveness
Scripture: 1 Timothy 5
Matthew 18:35 “So also my heavenly Father will do to you, if each of you does not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Observation
Today I’m journaling from the other Bible Reading Plan I’m doing because I was so impacted by the story of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35.
After telling the disciples that they must forgive an erring brother seventy times seven (unlimited, every time), Jesus tells the story of a servant who owed the king an impossible debt: 10,000 lifetimes of wages. After the king graciously forgave the debt and absorbed the loss, this servant found someone who owed him a few months wages and had him thrown in prison. The king recalled the first servant and asked him, “Should you not have shown mercy to your fellow slave, just as I showed it to you?” Then the king rescinded his forgiveness! Jesus finished with v. 35 which is a alarming warning: this could happen to me if I refuse to forgive.
My debt to God is unimaginably larger than what anyone owes me. My sin against God is unimaginably greater than anyone’s sin against me. I must forgive!
Application
I’ve been wrestling with what forgiveness looks like for a friend whose sin was particularly egregious and harmful to a huge number of people. With no warning, he walked out on his whole life—his wife, kids, grandkids, friends, church, ministry…everything—to take up with a new woman. And he let us all know via a group email.
I know I must forgive; I want to forgive. I know that forgiveness is letting go of the hurt, the anger, the need to punish. I believe I’ve done that. I don’t think of him often and when I do, it’s without emotion. I’ve let him go. But I can’t imagine a relationship going forward. He chose to leave and stepped out of the web of relationships that constituted our shared life together. He feels like a stranger to me. Can I forgive him without any ongoing relationship? Just let it go and move on without him? Is that forgiveness enough?
So I’m wrestling…choosing to forgive even while I don’t know what that means for any ongoing relationship.
Prayer: Lord, I love You. You know that I want to forgive as freely and fully as I’ve been forgiven. What does that look like in this situation? Help me!
More: Ezekiel 5-6, Matthew 18
I trouly love that you shared that. I struggle with forgiveness a lot. I will be praying for strength as well. Sometimes others choices have physically and emotionally hurt my wife and kids from a family member. There are trust issues there and I feel that gods will for me is to protect my family and keep my family safe. To my family member and maybe others might look at a forgiveness issue.
Thanks for your vulnerability as you process your own forgiveness journey.